Life never turns out the way you envision it
Don’t kid yourself, that’s just the way it is. November’s shown me that.
At the beginning of this year the thought of November was one of excitement. It was to be the end of an era, a season of celebration, a time to remember. I was to be finishing up 3 years studying acting and working within the church. It was going to be the end of one journey and the beginning of a life.
I am meant to be – right now – sitting in on Prophesy week, praying for my friends and fellow students, praying for the future students, praying for our futures.
I am meant to be celebrating. I am meant be congratulating people and wishing them the best.
These tears are meant to be tears of joy, happiness, reverence.
This November I should be sad that the best years of my life are coming to an end. Not that it was taken from me.
I had it all mapped out. But I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere or marked down the directions wrong because this November, I am a world away from anywhere I thought I might be.
It’s hard not to hate what’s happened this year. It’s even harder to accept that it’s no one’s fault. It’s always easier if there is someone to blame… I don’t know why this year went the way it did. None of it makes sense. But I do know this. While we may never come to understand the working of God’s grace, we can rest assured that Grace, it is and it is given freely.
This year I was meant to create and produce an original theatre production, in my final year of college. After many long months of umming and ahhing over what to do, God showed me a vision of bones rejoining and men standing. A vision of what was broken being pieced back together. A vision of a man, stuck at the bottom of hole he’s made. A vision of two bodies, connected. It was the story of not only the valley of dry bones but of the people those bones once – and could again – belong to. It is the story of the Unformed; Rhythms of Grace.
I never got the opportunity to produce that production, to tell that story and I was heart broken, confused and angry. But I think that, while it could still come to pass and one day become a theatre production, God gave me story this year for a different – personal – reason.
God, for some reason, took me apart this year. Deconstructed me. Took me apart, before I could fall apart.
And in faith I am going to believe that there is a reason. And in faith I will let Him.
Because I believe that He has the power to put me back together again.
Come November I thought I’d be up on the hill but turns out this November is more of a valley.
And you know what, that’s ok. God is the Lord of the Hills and the Valleys.
These are my November notes.