In Pursuit

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9

The bible is full to overflowing with stories, examples and promises that show us Gods love for us. It is a book unlike any other, a book packed with scriptures just like Proverbs 16:9 – a set of books which speak about how God created us for such a time, created us with a purpose, knew us before we were even born and never leaves us – But no matter how many times I read it –with my nose thick in amongst the thin pages and my eyes growing blurry from concentrating on words my mind couldn’t make sense of- I have never found a clear, ‘simple stupid’ answer to humanities biggest conundrum; Why am I here, what is my purpose?

Ever since I was old enough to understand that there was a God and that He loved me, I have wondered – no actually I think the expression would be stressed over- what God has in plan for my life and more importantly, what would He like me to do? I have feared that if I don’t listen – if I don’t spend time just waiting on Him – I may end up doing something that He had never intended for me to do. I feared that then in doing so I would limit Him and prevent something amazing from happening, because I chose the wrong path. I was so afraid that in my fear I felt alone, that He never actually spoke to me and therefore I was never going to be sure on what I could and shouldn’t do.

It was a true conundrum, a problem so deeply set within my soul and being and heart that nothing written in the bible helped ease the panic that told me I was indeed on my own. It was an apprehension to stepping out of God’s intension for my life that made it almost impossible for me to ever understand what I even wanted in life.
And I will admit that sometimes that is still the case.
You see – although God created me like this out of love and for a reason, just like the Bible stories about Joseph the King of Dreams or Ruth tell me – I have been made a little differently to most of you; differently in the way that my mind thinks and functions. Because of my mind’s said divergence to the human genetic make-up I have a lacking ability to control emotions, understand direction, comprehend people’s meanings and most frustratingly, understand my thoughts and feelings. I cannot explain why – never have had the ability to – but when I look at my future I struggle to chose what I want. It makes me panic, all my doubt and self-worth issues can make it hard for me make choices. And I change my mind all the time, especially when it come to my future dreams and aspirations but I think that is because I have never understood God’s intention and what He wants for me. Sometimes I have felt like I was walking blind through a midfield and if I took even one step too far out of line something terrible would happen. Have you ever felt that way?

I heard Karl Adams – an up-and-coming motivational speaker/ preacher – speak in my church about the ‘Awesome plan’ God has for us all.
Notice how I said all? That God has a plan for us all?
Well if I am honest – which I hope to always be if it can help someone – sometimes I question the “for all” part. I question if God could actually have written some ‘awesome’ story for my life, because I have been through a lot of not so awesome times in my young life. But I never want you to make the same mistake as me and limit your importance ever again. I never want to see anyone experience the heart ache and pain that I have felt throughout life from doubting my purpose and place in this world. Because of the hard times that I have faced and the valleys I have come through I have learnt some things and after spending some time just listening in God’s presence on Sunday morning and after the response I got from last week’s blog post I know that there is something very important that must be said. So listen up difference makers because in this blog entry I am not just going to tell some short ended story, in this blog I want you to know that you are seen, known and intended for so much more.

Firstly, God has an awesome plan because God is an awesome God. He is a God who has truly loved you longer than anyone else, a God who loved you so much He created planet Earth that you may have a place to exist within. He is a God that sees you, knows you and accepts you just the way you are. But God is also a God who loves you so much that He doesn’t plan for you to stay where you are forever or for you to remain who you are now forever. He is an awesome God that has surely established your steps, just as Proverbs 16:9 says. Now I know what you may be thinking, more promises from the bible?
All well and good Samiimorgan but how can one believe them if one doesn’t understand them? I mean, if God has indeed established my steps why have I never felt like the steps I take are in the right direction?

Those are very good points and questions which I have asked myself many times. I never feel completely satisfied or sure of where I am going or which road I should take.
But that doesn’t matter. You don’t need to be sure; you just need a bit of faith.
The devil will try to confuse you of what God’s intentions for your life are. He will then use that doubt to make you doubt God and God’s ability, your worth of anything from God and your purpose. Then because of our doubt we have a limited belief level and then in turn a limited ability to live the life God has planned for us.
Don’t let yourself become limited by your thoughts and feeling. Trust – even if it seems difficult to believe – that God does have a ‘Will’ and a will for you personally.
You don’t need to be sure of the destination or even sure of the road you are travelling; you just need enough faith to stand up for yourself when the Devil tries to bring you down with self- worth doubt.

Secondly, you can’t let yourself fear the Will of God simply because it is unknown. I love there being a level of chance in all the things I do and have a very adventurous spirit but the unknown details of future life can stop me from trying my hand at things. I can become so worried about doing something I want and not what God’s will is that I hardly try anything at all. But my fear is misplaced because the Will of God is not a place; it is not a destination that one can jump in and out of. You cannot let yourself refrain from trying something because of a fear of moving out of God’s Will. You can’t move out of somewhere that doesn’t exist.

Another thing that I have found helpful to remember is that God’s Will is different to other people’s will. Your family and friends and even the people who should know best don’t know you like God does. He has loved you long before you were introduced to your parents and understands you in a way no friend could. Our friends and family can have hopes and dreams for us, can believe they know best, believe they know what you need and what you should do, but sometimes those plans are not the right plans for your life.
Teachers want you to take ATAR subjects in the last two years of schooling to earn you University entrance, but for many, the amount of work required for those studies is too much and soon becomes nothing but stress. Your parent could want you to attend a certain university or study a certain degree that may only cause worry because it isn’t a study subject you may feel comfortable undertaking. And I can understand how hard that can be to handle when you don’t even know yourself what you want. God’s Will is therefore the only one you should consider.
But what is God’s Will?
God just wants you to live a life with Him, a life that makes both yourself and Him happy. It is as simple as that; live a life that makes you happy. Live a life with Him apart of it and a life that makes others around you happy. It says that in John 3:16, explaining God’s will as a need for all people to come back to Him and live eternally with Him.

I think it is also important, most important to remember that God is God and our relationship with God needs to be blind. I think one thing that can help me when I begin to doubt things is to remember just how strong love is. True love is blind, so blind that nothing else matters in our lives. I need my relationship with God to be so blind that nothing scares me or makes me doubt myself.

But above all I want you to understand that it impossible to go forward if you can’t stop looking back. You need to stop looking into your past and imagining what you could have had. I do this all the time, imagining all the things I could have done, could have accomplished. I look at what I have had and where I have been and wonder why I have had to handle so many let downs. My life is a never ending story of rejection, setbacks and let downs where I have thought again and again that I am on the right track, right  road only to be turned around again. But I understand that living in the possibilities of the past is not going to help anyone and that we need to let ourselves dream and imagine things for our future. We need to look at what we have in our hands already, look at the opportunities in our lives and the gifts we have been given.

Our purpose lies in our uniqueness; with the gifts and talents and passions and the things that make us tick. I have asked again and again throughout life what my purpose could be but I was told something the other week that has changed everything I know about people’s life purposes. Our purpose is whatever we want it to be because our passions are our own and have been given to us as gifts. It is time that we claim our uniqueness and give things a go. I don’t want to become overcome by over thinking anymore; I don’t want to question anymore. Go where you want to go and do things that make you happy while sharing with others the understanding that there is a purpose and plan for us all. After all that is God’s will.

If you have any questions regarding working out what you would like to do or understanding what God could have planned for you please email me at samiimorgancontact@gamil.com.

Would love your feedback

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