In Pursuit


Dear me or rather, my younger self

Younger me, you’re probably going to ignore this letter; you will more than likely try claiming that I don’t know you or your current circumstances and therefore, could not possibly know what it’s like to be facing what you are facing. But my younger self, maybe that is why I am writing to you today.

Maybe I am writing this letter because I know you feel like you are always in the dark about things that shine as if they are on fire for others. Or because I know you feel lost despite the map you hold there in your hand.

Or maybe I am writing this because you are confused by the shouting of this world because all you hear are the whispers.
Maybe I want you to know that I’m sorry for that. Or maybe I’m writing this because even I, at the age of 21 hurt and don’t understand why because we’ve always been told that ‘if there’s no blood then everything is alright‘.

I’m writing to you today for a few reasons. Firstly because you should share if you think it could help someone and secondly, because it’s time someone told you some truth and gave you some rarely shared hope.

Let me start by saying that I’m sorry younger me; I’m sorry for the bullies and I’m sorry for the miscommunication that always seems to happen despite your best efforts. I’m also sorry to tell you that miscommunication in the sense of understanding body language or instructions are still something we are working on. Its even worse when it comes to others understanding us.But I can tell you that the bullying will end.

I’m also sorry for all the labels people keep slapping on your turned back. We may still be dealing with that too but please know that it is much less of a big deal than everyone is making it out to be. For one thing, I now understand that you are not defined by some doctors or by society’s wrong views of mental health. You are not defined by what some school yard bullies thinks or by what some old man in a Lab coat says. And I know that it seems like everyone has their own opinion of who you are but let me tell you, there are people out there that can see the real you and they like what they see.

Also, take pride in the way you view this world. Take pride in the light you see in others and the music you can feel within.

And dance. Never stop dancing, for God is more than your partner younger me, He is your guidance and He loves to teach you new steps. And not to mention younger me, you’re good at it. Please do us both a favour and never stop dancing.

Or believing. You can believe in six impossible things all before breakfast; I find it hard to believe in one.You still wait up at night with the window open for Peter Pan to make you one of his Lost Boys. You day dream and worry if anyone can see what your mind can see. You don’t like to read in public and worry if anyone can see by looking at you the emotion you are feeling or know what your experiencing as you read it. Because you want the world inside that book to be your secret. Your safe place.Your laughter is pure gold. Your smile really is a light that lights up the room. And you believe, no questions asked. I miss that.

And you know how it can seem easier for you to perform in front of 300 people rather than 3? Well younger me, even that seemingly annoying introvert quality is a gift from God and I am telling you now to prepare because God is going to make you use it. Oh and not only does He come through on that front but we no longer live in the dark about our future. Oh no Difference Maker does God have a plan for you. Oh and have I mentioned, we live in Sydney now!

But even though some things have gotten better, other things have risen up to challenge us. You know how you can never control your emotion and how hard it becomes to control your breathing or speak when you’re feeling panicked?
Yeah well that is called Social Anxiety. I’m sorry; I’m still working on that. But please don’t fear it. With the revelation came understanding and acceptance. And please know that you’re not the only one suffering. even your dad does sometimes.

And if you’re wondering, we still don’t know how to write an essay. In fact you’re probably thinking that school may not be your thing at all. You’re going to have many people thinking that they can tell you what to do in that regard but I want you to think about this; you are one day going to be an Acting student at the college of your dreams and although it will be one of hardest things you ever do, it is not impossible for Samii McCormick to study higher education. I mean we do write a blog that many people from all over the world read.

You love so freely and openly; it’s a beautiful quality, so never let anyone question it. You find it hard to show compassion but you do have a heart for youth and one day you’re going to understand how good of the thing that is to have. And you know that boy you’re day-dreaming over? Do yourself a favor and forget him. Trust me. In time you will fall in love and someone will fall in love with you. And I’m sorry but you’re also going to land hard out of love. In fact it’s going to make you question everything you know about love. But please don’t make the mistake I did; let yourself love because like I said, it’s a beautiful quality to have.

And trust; in the person God has made you because younger me, you have more magic and power in you than you know. And most importantly, remember that God is not your temporary love so don’t make the mistake I have made and shut Him out. Oh dearest me, I really wish you could read this.

Love from a Difference Maker.

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