Welcome to my Pity-party.
Please, enjoy yourself. Make yourself at home. What is mine is yours. My fears, my pain, my disappointment has all been laid out for you to partake of. The refreshments can be found by my pile of failures, the power room is down the hall opposite my bad relationships and tonight’s meal will be served promptly around the time of evening when I usually go for a walk because I have so much pent up frustration that I can’t face anyone and its the least I can do to walk around and around my neighbourhood as the sun wanes. All are welcome.
The Pity-party. What an odd event. It happens of its own accord, on its own timing without need of preparation or expense on our part. It is overwhelming, unasked for and a lot of the time unavoidable. And I, not entirely unsurprisingly, am currently stuck in one.
Summer is drawing to an end. I’m back in Sydney and very soon the year proper will begin with the commencement of college. But instead of feeling excited for the year ahead, I feel…well to be honest I don’t really know what I feel. I just keep thinking about the summer and wishing it could last forever.
This summer, overall has been an enjoyable one. I mean, I got to spend xmas with my family, celebrate and welcome in the new year with friends and I got a lot of much needed rest. But in order to say it has been a good summer I have to sadly ignore my feelings, gloss over the details and stretch the truth of the experiences of this past summer. Because in truth the summer was hard. It was lonely. It was too short. It was too hot and it most certainly didn’t live up to expectations.
And I can’t comprehend how or why I would feel like this. I spent the lead up to christmas missing my home and family, then I spent all of summer missing Sydney and the life I had made myself here. Now I have it back and it doesn’t feel right. As if I’m always sacrificing one thing for another. That I’m always longing for what I could have and missing out on what I do.
I’ve realised something. And maybe I’ve realised it a little too late but I never think it’s too late to change. This is all the Pity-party host talking. The inner child, feeling overwhelmed and out of sorts and hitting out at what ever comes near. It’s the part of broken heart that I’ve naively kept patching over with distracting coverings, but never faced and fixed.
But it’s not permanent. It doesn’t have to last. And because I know I am not the only person who gets like this let me tell you that you don’t have to stay there. You can end it. Turn the music off, switch the lights off. Pour the drink down the drain, throw out the food. Call in a noise complaint and get the toxic people out of your life.
I’m throwing a new kind of party; a praise party and everyone is welcome. Turn your attitude around, let us brighten our day.
Here are my party rules:
- Step Back, Step Out: Sometimes all we need is a new perspective. We can easily become overcome by emotion within the heat of the problem because of our position. Take some out time. Step away. Ask a trusted friend for their perspective; someone not emotionally affected by the problem who will be able to look at it with a clearer head.
At my praise party you must come with an open mind and willing heart. Listen, observe, input. Maybe all you need is some time out to steady those racing thoughts.
I’m a social learner and find that I gain a lot from listening to other people’s experiences and opinions. I still find it difficult to ask for help but do appreciate -like most people- having someone listen to the problems I face and try to help me by giving me a new perspective. I just yesterday found out some pretty scary news and it was only thanks to my friend’s calming clear headed reasoning, that I didn’t flip out. They were able to make sense of my uncertainty and straighten out my thought process. I was able to step back step away and calm down. I was able to realign my thoughts and think more clearly and in turn handle the situation better. Taking time out helped me to look at the problem with less emotional attachment.
- Only the Positives: Shift your thinking. Think of all the good in your life. Think of something in the near future that you could work towards. Focus on what can be done; the problem solving, tension releasing things that you can do now. Focus on the positives, on what makes you happy, on what brings you joy, on what you are good at and do more of it.
At my praise party there is no such thing as bad news. There is no negative comment, no hate, no fear, no worry. We shake it off.
This is a always a difficult one for me to do. I have an over-active imagination and I am a massive worry-wort. And as I’ve just discovered I have the strength themes of both Context and Futuristic (Gallup strength finder). I have to understand the past as much as I dream about the future. I am constantly reliving my past, thinking over everything I have said and done in order to make sense of things. But I also dream and theorise and imagine my future and that can lead to a lot of disappointment, because things never turn out as I wish them to. But it helps me greatly to focus on one task at a time. I take the day step by step, but I don’t attach times or deadlines to anything and I allow myself to be flexible. I take time out and I shuffle tasks around easily and if it becomes too much to handle, I put it aside for another time. I don’t let myself worry, I don’t let myself doubt. I think about what I can do and I focus my energies on those alone.
- An Attitude of Gratitude: Develop an awareness of all the positives because remembering them is a powerful tool that can help us overcome adversity and the difficult times that are an inevitable part of life.At my praise party we give thanks for everything that we have, have had and could have.
I don’t give thanks enough. I’ll admit it. I don’t. I find it hard because there is a lot in my life that I am not satisfied with or even okay with and some days finding the good is a hard task. But as the day ends I give thanks for what ever – no matter how trivial – I can think to give thanks for. It keeps me grounded and can put things into perspective. Like how I live in Sydney and how it has worked out. Or like how my family is doing okay; even if things aren’t easy right now. Or like how amazing my friends are and how supportive they are.
This year I want to end my Pity-party. Instead, I want to throw a praise party. Will you join me?