In Pursuit

DnMI have always believed that there is a great power in the words we speak. To write your thoughts in ink is one thing; you bare your thoughts and your soul and make them permanent but when we speak, we give life. What we speak can create, shape, build and destroy.
People say ‘Sharing is caring’ but I say it’s about more than that. I have seen the effect honestly can have on a person’s heart and I believe sharing your life story (the good and bad sides of it) shows that you understand you have been gifted with things so that you can help others. I have also seen how the words we speak can hurt. As powerful as a compliment is, so is the word can’t.
Won’t, shouldn’t, no.
I wish that it were true that ‘words can never hurt me’ but it would only be a lie.

I wrote about my hopes for 2015 and spoke about them on my channel because I believe that you should share if you think it is going to help. And I knew it might help someone to hear the hopes I have and what my reasoning’s are. I knew that there would someone who needed to hear of some hope. With that very thing (hope) in mind I started this blog and my YouTube channel. It is with that in mind that I have created a type of video I plan on making a channel staple.

It will be called ‘DnM with a Difference maker’ and will answer viewer’s questions about things that trouble them. I don’t have all the right answers and by all means ignore this type of blog and video if you don’t get anything out of it. But I am going listen to people’s questions and try my best to give positive advice. You can go over and check out the first video here.
So without further ado here are the questions from my first ever ‘DnM with a Difference maker’:

What is your greatest accomplishment? I think that one of the accomplishments I am most proud of achieving is creating my YouTube channel.  Starting and keeping this Blog going was a big step in the right direction for me in the process of creating self-confidence. Even more so it was the beginning of something. I had a vision; a bigger picture to work towards. And I am very happy to be able to say that it has been accomplished. I still worry about everything from lighting to the moral and message but I have been able to create and upload a video every week despite anxiety and lack of skills. I mean I am already seeing good things come from it; subscribers/viewers joining me in an understanding that there is a change to be made and even more so, that we have the power to create that change.

What is your greatest adventure? I think that 2013 would have to have been my greatest adventure. It was full of little adventures in its self and although it was a troubling year and took a lot out of me it was the best year of my life. I have said it many times before and will say it again, being a part of Fine Edge Theatre Company forever changed me. I travelled, I performed, and I learned so much. I met so many people, gained a lot, lost a lot, and grew a lot more. It was a true adventure with all the plot twists and drama a good adventure story should have. And I got to do it all with some pretty amazing people. It was the first time that I got a glimpse of what I want in my life. It was the first time I was shown the power of the spoken word and the effect it can have on the heart.

What keeps me motivated? I pick one goal and only one goal at a time. I love to busy and fill my diary but I become very stressed and drained if I have too many things going on. So with that in mind I prioritize and schedule particular times and days in which particular goals will be accomplished. I also find inspiration in the works of people who are doing/have done things I would like to do. For example I read a lot of self-help type blog entries and watch a lot of YouTube videos. I read books on topics such as God and who I am in Him. I listen to music by people I admire and follow the workings of people like Glen Gerryen and Emma Watson.

Where is your best place to be and why? I love the outdoors. And I love having friends and loved ones close. When they say Home is where the heart is I listen because I feel like sums me up perfectly. I can be anywhere, doing anything as long I have my love ones around me and we are happy together. But if you want me to answer with a location, my answer is the stage. I have grown up stages. I have spent even more time back stage and in and around the theatre. There is something magical about the place. I can be anyone I want to be; hidden behind a mask of lighting, makeup and accents. But there is where you will find me; the real me. It is the only place I feel I can be 100% Samantha.

What’s your greatest childhood memory? The greatest memory from childhood would have to be one of the times spent on my Grandparents farm. Anytime that I spent there seems magic in my mind’s eye.  I learned so much and had complete freedom. There was nothing but adventure to be had. I guess that miss that freedom. I miss the freedom to be able to do as I please and let my heart guild me. My Granddad used to make trampoline and water hose water slides. It may not have been a difficult thing for him to do but to a little blond girl bored and hot on a NZ summer’s afternoon it was golden.

What’s your biggest fear? My biggest fear, in a general sense is that I may never make a tangible change in this world, with my life. I fear that all of my dreams and hopes will come to nothing. I want to see the end of teen suicide. I want to help and do every possible thing in my power to make that happen. I fear that I will give up or will fail trying. I fear that my dreams will never come true. But in regards to my present stance in life my biggest fear is that I’m going to fail in college. Not only am I moving city, state or side of country but I am moving to study Acting and Christian ministry and I can’t help but worry that I will fail. I haven’t done any type of ‘study’ in over four years and although I did learn a lot in Fine Edge I wasn’t having write essays or even answer too hard question. I can’t help but feel unprepared and at a loss for what I could do to change that.

Whenever I feel like I’m being myself I feel like people don’t accept me. What should I do, I want to be myself but I also want people to like me? I have a strong belief that we should not only love but show people that like the stars in the sky are seen, known, wondered about and are admired, so are we. We have been created out of love, from love and for love. And we spend our whole lives seeking people’s approval, misunderstanding it as love. I say, keep being you. You were born that way and although people can change I don’t advise changing for the sake of having acceptance. It may hurt to not be liked by the people you would like to be liked by but you shouldn’t have to change. Don’t wear a type of fashion simply because the other kids do. Don’t cut your hair to look like that actor everyone is crushing on. Don’t change your laugh because it may sound a little too loud, instead laugh more. Don’t change your passion for reading to football if you hate sports. Don’t hide your love for boy bands and don’t hide your dreams. There are people in your life who see you, know you and accept you. You are bigger and better and far more amazing than the starts in our sky and if people can love them they must love you.

How can I keep following my passion when I don’t get the support I need from the people around me? I wanted to be dancer since the moment I could walk. I didn’t play with dolls as a girl; I danced around to classical orchestral music. I have what is called in the industry a dancer’s body and am known as a Natural. That means I never had to work so hard or train for so long. I could watch someone dance and pick up the moves in minutes. But despite this and the fact that my parents love my dancing, they told me at age 14 that maybe I should stop; I would never win the National completion, so why was I trying so hard?
They also said that maybe I shouldn’t do year 12 of school. It would be too hard.
They said I shouldn’t move to Sydney; it would be too hard and I wouldn’t cope.
I am not ripping into my parents here; please understand that I don’t hold anything against them. I am simply trying to explain that I know what it is like to want something so bad it hurts; that it is unbelievable to even think that my own parents wouldn’t support me. It is very hard to accept that my own parents are my dream killers.
I have had to work hard on my own heart to understand what it wants in life, how it is wired and how to protect it. Words can destroy and I am sorry to anyone who has been let down by people whom should support you but I advise you to forget what was said. Focus on yourself; look within and work out how you are wired. Tend to your garden, remove the weeds that have grown up thanks to the negativity of those haters and then find people who do support you.
My parents were very worried that I wouldn’t be able to live on my own, that I would struggle at College but I just had to improve myself and come to a place in my life where I was strong enough to make them see me; make them see the real me that wants to study and is more than capable of doing so.

How do you cope with going backwards, how do you not let it get to you? I have had to face more setbacks than most people my age and I really don’t know how I have managed all these years. I have mentioned on this blog about a lot of the setbacks and let downs that I have had to face in the last year alone. Not to mention the amount of let downs I’ve been hit with throughout life. I cope by looking forward, not back. And I cope by accepting that there are things we cannot control. There is nothing wrong with reflection but you cannot dwell on your down falls. Life is a roller-coaster with twists, turns, highs and lows and it does help me to remember that. Life can be hard when it is nothing but a collection of restarts. But you cannot let it get to you. Dwelling on it will not do any good; it never has for me. I say find something to work towards and when the bad days come, focus on the possibilities of that future day.

How do you deal with loss? I have lost hope and I have lost self-confidence. I have lost dreams and friendships, relationships and belief. How do I deal with it? I try to find hope. When I lost someone dear to me, because we weren’t right for one another, I had to find hope that there is someone out there that is right for me. When I found out that for yet another year I had failed to get a place in an American Summer camp as a camp counsellor, it hurt. It hurt more than words can describe. But I found hope in time; that there is a time for everything and it simply wasn’t the time for me. It doesn’t lessen the pain of loss but acceptance of the uncontrollable and the fact that it isn’t in my hands does.  I have lost dreams and I have had to keep my faith; I need to remember the big picture and remind myself of what makes me happy. I remind myself that God is in control.

And that is all the questions that i had received for my very first DnM. To the people who sent me these questions, thank you. I hope you got something out of hearing my opinion and advice and share this with your friends and loved ones if you think sharing will help.  Just remember difference makers, it’s not your excellence that makes you different but your differences that make you excellent. And if you agree with me join me and become a difference maker.

February 14, 2015

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